Category Archives: death

Life in hospital mode

Grace has been in the hospital since Thursday. Today she’s on a little less breathing support. She’s seemed extra tired this time and it scares me . I don’t think she’s dying , yet, but I know one day I’ll have to face that happening, and that is not something I want to think about. I felt sad when she didn’t react to me today when I was talking to her and holding her hand. No gripping my finger . She even turned her head away from me, which made me think , at least she moved . Then she gave me a weak “Mmm-mmm”. Not the “Mmaaa” that she sometimes “says” but it was better than nothing. She’s tired and uncomfortable. She cries a little when they change her diaper, like something hurts when they move her . I feel so bad for her.

I just want to get her well so we can plan her 18th birthday celebration at the end of this month.

They have a small cafe/ food court thing here. It’s very expensive if you don’t order carefully. Read the menu or pay! I did pretty well for breakfast $4.06 , no drink . The view is nice from the cafe.

This is a very nice hospital and we are blessed and thankful to live close to it . I switched out with my husband last night and went home where I got a great nights sleep. Then I woke up and after two yummy cups of coffee, I had a very busy day cleaning and getting things set up at home so they can have a good week without me being home. Finally finished putting Christmas decorations away. Got groceries. Now I’ll be here for probably the next three nights . I may get a break if someone else can come stay with Grace. Historically, Grace has not recovered very quickly from pneumonia. I don’t expect it to be a short stay. But I hope I’m wrong!

My hard bed . Not too terrible , but not great.

Long days, short years: Live your life !

When I was a kid in school, I couldn’t wait to get older. That 12 months between birthdays took FOREVER to pass by! “How much longer until my birthday?”, I would ask.  Then I had my own kids and somehow things changed. During the newborn and toddler months and years, the days could pass very, very slowly and I couldn’t wait to go to bed every night, exhausted. My kids then asked me the birthday question.  But the years passed quicker and quicker and they outgrew their cribs, then their toys, and then their need for me, it seems.  But they still need my cooking!

I love seeing my children grow up but sadly this means I am getting older as well. My friends are getting older and some have died. My mom , though young at heart, is getting up there in age and has lost many of her friends and most of her relatives. I like to think that she will live forever but I know that her last day will come. Last night I had a bit of a shock when it dawned on me that my older sister, the one I go hiking mountains with, is only one year younger than my dad was when he died of cancer! And we had no warning that he was going to die. We had a family Christmas party as usual, and he was dead the next March. By the way, my sister’s motto is Live your life! She has lived her life to the fullest and continues to do so.

But that is how it happens sometimes. There are no guarantees for how many days or years we will be on this earth. I saw a video of a huge boulder rolling down a hill onto a car. The driver lived, but it could have easily been his last day. Last week a young man was drowned after driving into a flooded low water crossing and getting washed away and trapped in debris. No warning. One minute he was driving along and the next he was being swept away. Sometimes it seems like the good ones die instead of the ‘bad’ ones, but we don’t get to choose, do we?

I guess what I am saying is,  don’t waste your days. So many ways to do that. Today might be the beginning of the end for you or me. We could be dying and not know it. We could be killed in an accident. Sorry to be so morbid, but it’s worth remembering that our living days are numbered and should be valued. When I was a depressed student in college, I allowed myself to become trapped in a dangerous situation where my life was in the hands of another person who could have ended it. That day I had thought I didn’t care if I lived or died. But when I was at risk of having my life taken, I knew I wanted to be alive! I was able to escape and my life changed after that. I stopped being self-destructive and began to live again. I saw what a fool I was being and how selfish, not caring about the people who had done some much for me and truly loved me! I thank God that he gave me a third chance. Yes, I am a slow learner.

Embrace life, it’s short. Make it as sweet as you can by loving others and loving yourself and loving God.

Revelation 21:4 English Standard Version (ESV)

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”