On the rocks: Crashing into my own limitations

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This experience was worth the crash. Almost at the summit of Mt. Massive, Colorado. 14,153 feet

My body is rebelling against me. I am wiped out. My mind wants to do the usual things, including going for a run, but my body is out of gas, weak, exhausted, on empty.  I ran Sunday and I was so tired I could barely talk. I ran yesterday and my pace was a full minute slower than normal and I was so weak afterwards.  It sucks so bad. I have so many goals and dreams and I’ve done so many amazing things, but the more and more frequent after-effect is extreme exhaustion. The last accomplishment was hiking and climbing in Colorado.  I would not give up that experience to avoid the way I feel. I just need to work on my methods.

Grace loves sitting outside. 

Pretty sure I have an autoimmune condition, but nothing has been confirmed. It doesn’t really matter because I know the cure is to go on a very strict diet and make lifestyle changes. I gave up gluten years ago but it’s not always enough. I need to give up coffee again. I used to never drink it because I could tell it was affecting me badly, but I found a light roast that I thought I could tolerate. Maybe not? Also need to up the vegetable intake and continue on this no sugar diet that I’ve been on for 6 days now.

The beggar! 

This feeling is like being awake mentally but your body is still asleep. I went to bed last night at 9:30 , although I was read to lie down at 8:00. I got up at 7:25, when the sun lit up the space under my bedroom door. I still feel like I need to lie down. But I’m sitting on the deck with my computer and my daughter watching the birds and writing this. I saw a beautiful Bluebird. The temperature is pretty nice for now, 82 with a slight breeze. It will be 96 by noon.  Lots of birds coming for breakfast at the feeders. The bully Cardinals try to run off the little birds, but there are three little ones on the feeder together. I’m going to have to refill it soon!

It’s hard not to get discouraged over these setbacks. I was doing pretty good! I cut way back on my mileage and I’ve been sleeping a lot , but I think the one thing I cannot reduce in my life is stress. I’ve written about that before here. Feeling Caged. Going to Colorado was fantastic! But I had to work very hard to make it happen. And even while I was there , I had to deal with stress via text messages. And my brain wanted to process the stress even when I tried to ignore it. My body knew.

When you have been co-dependent all your life, you can’t just shut down thoughts and feelings caused by other people who are part of your life. You can try, but you still know that you will eventually have to deal with it. It’s a decision I’ve made to keep on at this even though it exhausts me mentally and physically.  I’m in it for better or for worse. I chose this life and I can’t walk away from it. But in the meantime, I have to find ways to cope better so I can still accomplish my dreams and goals.

What dreams and goals? I want to climb more mountains. I want to actually summit Mt. Massive. I want to overcome my fear of hiking on ridges. I want to run the Leadville 100 race. In the near future I have a tough 25k trail race, crewing and pacing a 223 mile race with a friend, and  a 55 hour race that I hope to get at least 100 miles and improve my time over last year. I can’t do these unless I give up sugar, excess caffeine, cope with stress better, and heal my gut.  Don’t get me wrong, I am still thankful for everything God has given me and helped me accomplish and I have hope. I just hate this feeling of being held back by my own body.  I know there are literally millions of women like me who suffer from this condition of hypothyroid and adrenal fatigue brought on by stress and autoimmune. Here’s to you, fellow warriors! Never give up! Here’s a website that encouraged me today. https://unboundwellness.com/ And remember, all my fellow anxiety sufferers, anxiety usually has physical causes as well as emotional. Be courageous about finding answers. Peace.

How about you? Have you struggled with an autoimmune condition ? Do you have excess stress you can’t control? Do you have hopes and dreams that seem hard to attain ? 

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6 thoughts on “On the rocks: Crashing into my own limitations

  1. cat h bradley

    Sorry you’re going through all this PK! I have to say when I read it, my immediate thought was, “you can’t control stressors but you can control how you respond to them.” For me, a big thing has been learning how to respond rather than react. I’ve found that there are actually a lot of things that happen that require no reaction from me at all. They bother me, they make me uncomfortable, but they don’t always require action. Once I am able to separate those stressors from the ones that DO require some action from me, everything feels a lot more doable. Not sure if this applies to you as well, or even makes any sense, but just thought I would share what came up for me when I read this. x

    Reply
      1. cat h bradley

        I don’t ignore the voices. I welcome them in, acknowledge them, and then calmly tell them that they are wrong and we are going in another more positive direction. I find it easier than fighting or trying to ignore them!

  2. earthwalking13

    Sorry you are going through this. I am dealing with Multiple Chemical Sensitivities. It began with having neurotoxic reactions to the chemicals used in tanning leather, thus shoes and boots. It got worse and I react to all clothing where the fibers were exposed to insecticides and herbicides and fire retardants and biocides and fungicides and detergents. In short, I get sick like being poisoned with bug spray when ever I get dressed. Makes it difficult to get out in the world. I’m still fighting it though.

    Reply
    1. pkadams Post author

      Thank you. I’m happy to report I just had a pretty good month thanks probably to getting caught up on sleep. As much as I love travel , it really takes a toll. I’m sorry about your health problems. Is it possible to clean the fabric or do you have to buy special organic clothing ?

      Reply
      1. earthwalking13

        Thanks, and I’m glad you are feeling better. I have tried multiple methods of detoxing clothing, and all have failed so far. “Organic clothing” is a myth, because even if it starts out that way, the manufactures spray insecticide on the items before shipping them anywhere. I’ll keep searching though.

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