Future thoughts

End of life issues. That is probably something most of us don’t think about very often unless we are in that stage of life either caring for an elderly parent or maybe being the elderly individual. For me, I am in what feels like my second childhood or maybe second teenagerhood. I’m living la vida muy bueno! Having more free time now that my children are getting older, discovered the fantastic joys of running, my body looks and feels better than ever, what more can I ask for? Well, for these days to last as long as possible for one thing! I will be 50 this year and I know that with age often comes health problems, life changes, grief at loss of family and friends even older than us, children leaving the nest and maybe not turning out the way you want, etc. As a Christian  who trusts that my life is in God’s hands and a person who generally doesn’t look too far into the future, I really have no 5 year or 10 year or 20 year plan. We have no IRA, no savings, truly no plan!! Our plan is that we hope at least one of our five sons will make enough money to take us in if we can no longer survive.

This is on my mind because why?,  you ask. Well, I’ve been visiting my 89 yr old father in law in the nursing home where he was moved a few months ago. I can tell he is not very happy there, but he does get pretty good care overall. He’s just bored , lonely, can’t see well enough to watch TV anymore, has lost his memory for the most part, can’t get out of bed, has a catheter and bag, wears diapers, you get the picture. He can talk but he doesn’t seem to want to chat much. I wish I knew how to bring him some sunshine and joy. I brought him cookies today and he actually said “these are good’. That’s a long sentence for him these days. I love him and it’s so hard to see him like this.

My own mother is mid 70s and still works full time and goes to casinos and is in amazing health. But we all know that life can change on a dime. I pray that she stays well until the Lord takes her in her sleep, many years from now. My health is good, but my husband has had some minor issues already. I can’t help but start to think of the future and the possibility of various scenarios. He is the only one working. I don’t even qualify for Social Security since I have been a stay home mom for 23 years and only worked part-time before that. With the current changes in our government and economy, if I think about the future too much, I might have a panic attack!  Guess I’ll go back to my happy place and keep trusting God.

God bless Grandpa

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